“Sticks And Stones” And An Expat’s Old, Sore Bones
Craig note- Sometimes, one needs to learn to be more flexible in life and in Japan.
On Being Stiff
These days when I get out of bed I feel 100-years-old. My mattress is getting up in age. It does not help I bought the equivalent of an American child-sized bed. Recently, there is a spring in the middle that jabs me in the back at night.
I could buy a new mattress. But, I sleep only 2–3 hours a day. That seems like a waste of money. Still, I am considering it after feeling stiffer than usual this week. But, my bed is not completely to blame for my aches and pains.
I am a youth soccer coach.
These days the practices are in full swing. I do my best to limit my running and playing. In the end, I always practice too hard with the kids. They love it when I play. But, they are bouncing into school, and I’m limping to the train station the next day.
Oh, what I would not give to be a kid again.
It used to take only a day for me to bounce back and feel like my legs were not stiff as boards. Now, I am feeling rather terrible, and the last soccer practice was three days ago.
Actually, I was so sore the other day I wanted my wife to drive me to my company. But, she refused.
And, I was angry.
It’s not her fault. She was busy. My wife, too, figures a 42-year-old man should be able to go to work alone.
And, she’s right.
I was able to make it to my company. Unfortunately, this morning I feel even worse as I prepare to head to my company again. This getting old stuff gets; well, old quick, fast, and in a hurry.
On Bending But Not Breaking Rules In Japan
My old, sore bones got me thinking about life in Japan. Long ago, I came to Japan. At that time, I remember being as flexible as possible. I did everything at school that I was told to do. And, I followed every law, tradition, and custom. I was eager to make people happy.
And, I did.
Of course, the more experience I got living in Japan, I learned how to do things “The Real Japanese Way.” There is this grey area that exists in most anything done daily by Japanese people.
It’s surreal at times.
Why just this morning I saw five cars run a red light while three people at a crosswalk waited for them to do so. Nobody said a word.
That is difficult for most foreigners to understand.
In contrast, there are also a number of ironclad laws and rules in Japan one would never, ever, ever dream of breaking.
For example, you would not dare to bring drugs in Japan. That ends badly.
You can find any number of stories about how that turns out for foreigners here.
Of course, most foreigners figure out the above types of extreme examples early in their time in Japan. It’s the more subtle stuff that gets foreigners. There are moment it bewilders even me after 13 plus years.
“Do I have to move if I am on the correct side of the sidewalk because someone is engrossed on their cell phone and about to hit me?”
I don’t move.
But, my wife says I should.
“Do I have to stay late at work for free to make a good impression at my company and on my coworker?”
I don’t stay late for free.
But, my salarymen buddies at the bar all do it.
And, this next one is my favorite.
“Do I have to acknowledge or God-forbid talk to foreigners I don’t know when I see them out and about?”
I don’t.
But, many expats think I should.
It seems rude. And, it is at the very least impolite. But, I’ve learned the value of shutting out the world as I commute to and from my company. I am not alone in that.
I see Japanese people with earbuds jammed in their ears or their eyes glued to cell phone screens. That used to boggle me to no end. It took me 13 plus years, but I get it. People need a moment to call their own in life.
Sadly, the daily commute is the only solitude some folks here get.
There are no merit badges in Japan for being a social butterfly. It would be great if I had the energy or time to be “Little Miss Mary Sunshine” to every expat I encounter on the street.
But, I don’t.
And, I don’t expect anyone to be friendly to me.
The truth is I am too busy worrying about a world full of “sticks and stones,” while walking around with my:
“Old, sore bones.”
Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin
“I’m just getting older and better.”- Neal Schon
